I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
