I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
