whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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