Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
