mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
