my vag is so smooth its legendary
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
