i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
