party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
