Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
