if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
