last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
