My brain says no but my pants say off.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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