I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
