just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
