Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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