I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
