my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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