So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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