with your own penis?
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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