R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
