Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
