if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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