I cockslap morals
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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