and you said cock pushups were impossible
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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