She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
