i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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