Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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