fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
