He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
