I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
