Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
