im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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