I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
