i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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