Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
