First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
