this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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