between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
