i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
