i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
