did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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