I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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