After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
