I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
