they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
being pregnant is like rehab
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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