I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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