i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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