What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
