Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
