What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
