So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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