so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
