He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
