I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
