You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
