Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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